Depression slipped away and in it's place true passion for life grew
I met this woman who told me her life story. Her story began being raised by a very self-centered, broken mother and kind but passive father. She felt ignored, shy and insignificant as a child. Her needs barely met. Carrying guilt and shame because being constantly shot down for expressing her feelings kinda does that to a person. There were so many other abusive relatives in her life as a child too and she was caught up in a hub of abuse, unkindness, competitiveness and neglect. The only one she thought was safe was her father, she remembers hugs at least and humour at the craziness of her mother but he just couldn’t see the dangers that lurked there for his children. She was the parent of her parents.
Suffice to say this poor woman ended up very unwell in her twenties when all this stress manifested itself. The thought of a stable relationship or having/raising children seemed impossible. Many did not understand the effects the post trauma was having on her. Just like her childhood, she felt misunderstood and alone.
But this woman’s faith and spirit has always been strong. She will never settle for an ‘ok’ life. She educated herself in health, she found yoga, she followed her calling to compassion and cut her ties to the toxicity that weighed her down in all areas of life.
As you know, that brave woman is you!
You began to heal, slowly and steadily. Your health returned. Each anxiety listened to and softened. Depression slipped away and in it's place true passion for life grew. For you, happily ever after does exist, it's real. You married a fantastic kindred soul and now have two beautiful children.
To have had such little love in your life growing up or a connection with your own mother, yet achieve this is in itself a miracle. You only remember your mother being aggressive, manic or depressed. Yet you are determined to never be a mother like that to your daughters.
Sometimes when nerves are frayed and sleep deprivation is kicking you may feel like your mothering skills have exited the room. You may feel like you’re just like your mother, that your worst fears are happening and everything feels like it’s unraveling. But I want to reassure you that what you feel is normal.
You will have times of disconnection with your children which is ok, it’s normal. But you always work at keeping communication open and validating your children’s feelings. You might mess up sometimes but you will not mess up your children. There’s just too much love there, too much insight and experience and you know exactly what not to do to hurt the ones you love. So have faith dear Mumma, you are doing great just the way you are. Believe that all your hard work has and will continue to pay off. You are a wonderful mummy in your own right and the fact that you have no positive parents of your own to show you the way, makes you even more successful.
Keep going my love and remember to breath.
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