Based in Sydney, Australia, Foundry is a blog by Rebecca Thao. Her posts explore modern architecture through photos and quotes by influential architects, engineers, and artists.

Domestic abuse: You do have a future

Domestic abuse: You do have a future

hi mama,

You are not going to like me for saying this, but you HAVE to get out of bed. I understand that it feels safe, but you cannot stay there. I understand that your life has been ripped out from under you, but you cannot stay there. I understand that it feels impossible to carry on but you have to;  the girls need you. Your pain is real, I get that, it is gripping and you are frightened, you are exhausted, confused and numb but you HAVE to get out of bed!

Now listen.....

Be brave, ahead of you is solicitors, court, pastoral care workers, family support workers, social workers, domestic abuse support workers, Cafcass, probation and statements, hundreds and hundreds of statements! Whatever happens remember to take the moral high ground, keep your side of the road clean and be the better person. Get ready, court will be horrific, and I mean HORRIFIC. There will be so many lies told about you and accusations made you will wonder how you are the victim in all this, but it will get easier every time, I promise.

Be patient, when the bruises have healed and the anxiety lessens, you will start to move on. I am not going to lie, you will take one step forward and two steps back but when it gets difficult just remember to tiptoe, tiptoeing is fine, just never ever stop moving forward.

Be proud, even though you doubt yourself you are a really good mum. The girls will get through this because of you. You will get that uniform,  finish that homework, pay for that trip, and get them to two different locations at once! It will be tough and at times you will have zero money, but you will do it, ALL of it.

Be thankful, you have the most wonderful, supportive, funny, caring, intelligent friends you could ever hope for. Not once will you have to go to court on your own. You will realise just how lucky you are, you have the most amazing support network. One thing is important though, ask for help when you need it, everyone is there for you, remember, help is not a sign of weakness.

Be understanding, I cannot stress this point enough. This is not just happening to you, others are hurting too. Agree to disagree, you will never understand why some people do the things they do. Stop trying, let it go or it will break you.

Be clever, you are smart, so much smarter than them. Trust your instincts, you are right. You will have to fight to the last breath but you will win, I promise all the stress, pressure, fear and anxiety will be worth it. You will win, the truth will out....and karma is a bitch!!!

Be hopeful, believe it or not that fella at work who leaves you speechless with his banter becomes your everything! Don't get me wrong it will be a rocky path, but the journey is well worth it. He will make you laugh until your stomach hurts, he will give you butterflies, and most importantly he will help you pick up the pieces and put yourself back together. Trust me, you will be happy again you will smile, laugh and make plans. It doesn't feel like it now but you DO have a future.

Finally be strong, the most important message I will give you is that you did the right thing.  This isn't going to be easy; there will be moments of utter despair, there will be times you will drop to the floor and sob your heart out, there will be times that you will physically shake in fear, but you can do this. You are strong, so much stronger than you could ever believe.

Now .........get out of bed!!

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So you worry, and worry, and worry

So you worry, and worry, and worry

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