Everything is just a phase
You are currently exactly four months into Motherhood. Go you! You're surviving as a team and in the last few weeks you guys have found your stride and you're doing well.
Ok, so Frankie still hasn't slept for longer than four hours in one stretch, which technically means you haven't had a decent sleep in seventeen weeks, but you've learnt to live with the sleep deprivation. Things are starting to work out.
It's been tough. Feeding, Colic and lack of sleep has tested you and made you doubt yourself and your abilities. There was a period of around three weeks when you genuinely thought somebody neeeded to come and take your baba away because you were doing such a terrible job. All those dreams you have had since being a little girl of a 'Von Trapp' style line up of your beautiful children came crashing down, as you really began to think that you were just not cut out for the job.
You tortured yourself and Dean because Frankie didn't, and still doesn't, want to fit into any routine in any baby book you've studied. You cried while attempting controlled crying, probably more than he did and wept silently sat on the sofa at 6am one Sunday morning because you just wanted a shower and a cup of coffee, but Frankie refused to be parted from you, even for five minutes. It was all getting a bit too much.
Then you got some perspective.
Your baby started to change and grow and it dawned on you that there is a limit to the amount of time you have to give yourself wholly to your children and there will come a time when he doesn't want to be by your side continually, and when that time comes, you will be devasted.
From then on we've bed shared, had days when the most you've achieved is to sit on the sofa cuddling, you feed on demand and you spend an hour every night rocking in Frankie's nursing chair singing him to sleep. Sometimes the washing up isn't done, the ironing pile is as tall as you and you can't remember the last time you cleaned the bathroom. And you know what? It's glorious!
So next time we see those black clouds of doubt creeping in, remember, everything is just a phase and will pass in the blink of an eye. As your own parents often say in times of stress, 'The sun will come up in the morning and set in the evening, just as it always has and always will.' Time passes, too quickly most of the time. Enjoy just being you two and always remember, you were born to be this baby's Mama and no one else will ever come close to doing the job as well as you. You've got this! Give Dean a break too, about 99% of the time you're angry with him, it's just you being unreasonable.
Oh and don't stress about washing your hair, the 'Mum Bun' look is totally fine, Motherhood chic!