Four months into motherhood, I know the feeling
I know you’re feeling tired, with still a million jobs to do, but go make a coffee and sit down for 10 minutes...the washing pile can wait.
I know you’re feeling exhausted, as if your brain can’t function properly. But this hazy fog will pass and sleep will return (it’s just as good as you remember).
I know you’re feeling utterly clueless and that you feel by now you should know what you’re doing, but the truth is I’m yet to meet a parent who really does.
I know you’re feeling completely drained by breastfeeding and I know you’re feeling lonely when you’re sat indoors just feeding. But please know how well you are doing. Look down at that little squidgy human and remind yourself that all she is is down to you. All those leg rolls.
I know you’re feeling as though your pre-baby self is a distant memory and you’ve lost who you are. I know you crave for a carefree night out (with all the wine and) without a pang of anxiety or worry over leaving her. It will come and she will be fine. Oh and hangovers with babies/toddlers/children are just horrendous, so don’t crave it too much.
I know you’re feeling out of touch from some of your friends but the “Has anyone actually heard from Jess?” message on the group chat (which you assume your friend didn’t realise you were in) needn’t bother you. When you tell them that you’re still feeling a bit lost they will understand. Your life has changed in a massive way and you’re still learning how to juggle everything. Sometimes you just need to remind them that you’re still you, you’re just finding your new feet.
I know you’re feeling guilty for feeling all of the above and occasionally you are wishing her life away thinking about when she will sit up, eat, crawl, talk, walk, but you will get there. Two years on and all those feelings have passed and you’re on to new challenges with work, nursery, tantrums and potty training.
Just know you are enough and to her, you are everything.
And to be completely honest, when the tantrums start, and she’s having a meltdown about not having the right colour cup, you’ll remember those times with that little squidgy human sleeping in your arms and think how far you have come, and are still coming.
The days are long, but the years are short has never rung so true.