Help is not a weakness
You have just gone upstairs to have a good cry! That’s all you want to do at the moment and you don't want your husband to see you do it because you already spent 30 minutes crying to him. You are lying in your bed in the dark because your husband has told you quite rightly to go to bed because you are utterly exhausted. And you start to talk to God because you have a faith but at this moment you genuinely believe He has forgotten about you and right now you feel you have no one else to talk to!
Your daughter is in the next room fast asleep, she has no problem going down but you know in about 4 hours, you will spend between 2-4 hours straight hearing your baby cry and you will also argue with your husband. You will have to do the next day again feeling puffy eyed, exhausted and resentful. You often question how much of the mothering kind you are. You think back to when you were younger and how great you were with your sisters’ kids and never thought you would struggle being a mother. So sometimes the way you feel about your daughter, confuses you.
I just want to fast forward you two and half years later to tell you that you are OK! I know you are not going to believe me but you braved having another baby and you love both of your children so much that you sometimes get a pulling feeling at the bottom of your stomach when you think about them. They have taught you how to love on another level. You love how they enjoy the simplicity of life. You love the wonder they bring! Try to be in that moment with them, rather than thinking about what you need to do around the house.
YOU ARE a good mother because you give them love, safety, freshly cooked meals (half of the time), you're teaching them to be a good human, you are showing them faith not only in God but in humanity, you read them stories every night and when you can’t be bothered and you’re having a shitty day, you still do the above. You don’t EVER have to question whether you’re a good mother!
What you feel is real, so this letter isn't a pat on the back and say come on, wipe your tears and lets get on with it. Yes extreme tiredness has a massive part to play in your grey months but you are learning to become a person who for the best part of the day has to put this little bundle’s needs before yours. You have just moved to a city that you don’t know, away from friends who haven't got babies and you have only been married for 6 months. You are trying to learn so many things at the same time. Be patient with yourself and kind!
In the space of 10 months; you got engaged, got pregnant unexpectedly, then you got married, bought a house, renovated most of the house and had the baby. Oh sorry and had some heavy surgery!!! I know it wasn't your plan but you are the dogs bollocks because you have been so strong during the whole thing. I don't want you to be hard on yourself. DON’T be hard on yourself!
One last thing, have time out and ask for help when you need it or want it! Go out and grab a coffee or lunch with some mates and don't look at the time, have me time, do the hobby you loved to do when you weren't a mother, get a sleep consultant if you have to and don't feel bad about it either. Don't think getting help is weakness. I will end with this analogical question, I hope you bloody get it…
Think back to when you’ve been on an aeroplane. You watch the flight attendant do the safety instructions, which mask do they tell you to put on first?
From one mama to another! XoXo