Based in Sydney, Australia, Foundry is a blog by Rebecca Thao. Her posts explore modern architecture through photos and quotes by influential architects, engineers, and artists.

It's OK if you still carry a bit of an infertility related chip on your shoulder

It's OK if you still carry a bit of an infertility related chip on your shoulder

hi mama,

Motherhood isn't always what you think it will be. You wasted so many of your pregnant hours worrying that you weren't going to be able to cope, worrying that you weren't going to be good enough and worrying that you would have a screaming baby that you couldn't settle. The thing is not all babies cry, not all babies have colic and not all babies are sick. Some are actually pretty happy, pretty content and dare I say it easy - you might just end up with one of those babies and could have saved yourself so much energy and emotion by not worrying about the things you can't control.

It's OK if you don't feel it straight away, that indescribable feeling of love that everyone tells you that you get the second you lay eyes on your baby. It's OK if actually you feel a little bit shocked or in the words of Love Island a little bit leave it. It's OK if it takes you a few days for everything to sink in, the fact that yes, you really do have your very own baby, after a really long journey to get here. That feeling, the one that everyone talks about will come and when it does it really will be indescribable and with each day that passes it will get stronger and stronger until you feel like you could burst.

It's OK if you worry that there was some kind of mix up in the fertility clinic and actually this isn't your baby at all because right now she looks NOTHING like you. It's OK for those thoughts to cross your mind because how your baby was made wasn't necessarily the norm. Those voices in your head will quieten down and that baby of yours will look more and more like you as the days pass to the point that you can't believe you ever thought that there could have been some kind of horrendous error.

It's OK if you still carry a bit of a infertility related chip on your shoulder, just because you have a baby now it doesn't mean that all the years of pain just vanish. It doesn't mean that you're no longer a little wounded, a little damaged from it all. Take your time, process it all, deal with the ongoing fall out of what that chapter of your life effected and breath. Time is the greatest healer of them all.

Finally, it's OK if some days you feel overwhelmed, if some days you're so tired that you would do anything to just curl up on the sofa and nod off to a classic J-Lo romcom, it's OK if sometimes you argue with your husband because you're both stretched so thinly and it's OK if on some days you just do what's necessary to make it 'till bedtime. You don't need to do 2,700 baby groups a week, make home made food every day, read three stories a night or do a baby massage before bed every day to be a good mum. Give yourself a fucking break, if she's happy irrespective of what the day has been like then that's all that matters. Cut yourself some slack.

Cx

 Caroline writes the blog Marriedand29ish and can be found on Instagram  @marriedand29ish  - and on Twitter  @marriedand29ish .  Think another mama could benefit from reading this letter? Share by clicking on the social icons below...

Caroline writes the blog Marriedand29ish and can be found on Instagram @marriedand29ish - and on Twitter @marriedand29ish.

Think another mama could benefit from reading this letter? Share by clicking on the social icons below...

These feelings don’t make you a bad mother

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