Monochorionic twins is no easy feat
You were amazing during your pregnancy. Mono-chorionic twins is no easy feat and even if everything had gone without a hitch, it would have been easy to dwell on all the extra things that can go wrong when two little people share a placenta. The fact that your two little people weren’t sharing evenly. The fact that twin two wasn’t growing well. The fact that one twin relies on the other. The fact that at 20 weeks you were told that there might be ‘difficult decisions ahead’. You did amazingly. Yes, at times there were tears and at times there were anxieties, but you got through it day by day. You made it to 36 weeks even though you thought you’d be lucky to make it through 32. You worked until 32 weeks, even though you thought you’d be lucky to make it past 24. You enjoyed Christmas, spent it like a beached whale on the sofa, when you had wondered over and over whether you would be on a hospital bed. And finally, you gave birth to two beautiful girls who are now thriving.
You are still getting over that time you spent in hospital. The postpartum preeclampsia seems more scary now than when you were shaking uncontrollably whilst looking down at your new perfect baby. It seems more scary now than when the doctor put you on a magnesium drip and told you to prepare for a rough night. It seems more scary now that twin two was whisked away minutes after being born. The time you had to spend apart from her because she was so little and needed some extra care in NICU. Looking back, that was really hard. You didn’t feel like a mother of twins. And when she was finally reunited with you, she was so small, vulnerable and fragile, you didn’t know how to bond with her. How could you keep her alive? How could you possibly be enough? But you were enough mama, more than enough.
You worried in the pregnancy that you wouldn’t cope with twins. That it might be too much. You shouldn’t have worried. Yes there are tough days, but what mama doesn’t have tough days? Remember that you are doing a great job and that you ARE enough.