The first year of motherhood
As you approach the end of the first year of motherhood and your baby’s first birthday you’ll be reflecting a lot on the past year.
You’ll be thinking about the fact that there are hardly any photos that exist of you with your daughter in the first few weeks of her life. You’ll reflect on how you barely held her, that in fact it was her dad that had skin to skin with her first. You’ll feel guilty that you never felt that rush of love when you were handed your newborn and you’ll feel sad that that rush of love took a long time to appear.
You’ll think about your PND diagnosis and that your bond with your daughter didn’t really start to form till she was around 7 months old. You’ll feel guilty that you spent months regretting becoming a mother. You’ll wonder why your start to motherhood was so tough and you’ll also wonder how you made it through those dark days.
But then you’ll remember the promise you made to yourself. The promise you made to take more photos of you with your daughter. The promise that things will get better and the promise that you now have a reason to get up every morning and be a better version of yourself.
You’ll know you can’t change those first few months of what you can only refer to as dark, empty days but you can spend every day making new memories.
You’ll know that you’ll never be fully recovered from PND and that there will always be dark days, there will always be things that trigger those feelings. But what you do know is how far you have come. How much you actually miss your daughter when you aren’t with her now, whereas months ago you could have easily walked away and not come back.
The past year has taught you so much. You’ve learnt to be strong, you’ve learnt to say no, you’ve learnt that you don’t have to do it all and you’ve learnt that asking for help is so important.
Becoming a mother may have completely changed you, the woman that walked into the hospital to give birth is a completely different person to the one that now looks at me in the mirror. But it also made you fierce, strong and not afraid to stand up and speak out for what you believe!
Be kind to yourself mama! And know that with each day you get stronger, you become more confident in your new role and you make that little girl smile each and every day. And that is all that matters.