There is no time limit on grief
It’s finally time to be honest with yourself. To recognise your pain and the hurt and the anger that has been bubbling away beneath the surface. At the time, you managed to claw your way out of the darkness by accepting that ‘these things happen’ and ‘there’s always next time’ but more than five years have passed and you’re still so overwhelmed by the darkness that even the unwavering love you have for the two beautiful children you’ve been blessed with, isn’t quite enough to make the sun come all the way up.
You didn’t acknowledge their passing, you didn’t give them names, you didn’t do anything in their memory and you have no record that they were even part of you. And at the time, you felt that was best. You decided to grieve (or so you thought), move on and strive for the finish line, which you believed came with the birth of your son. For the last four years, along with the arrival of his sister 18 months ago, they have made you smile unconditional loving smiles countless times.
But suddenly, you’re overwhelmed by your losses. You can barely breathe at realising just how little regard you took for what happened that now you feel bereft and ashamed and full of regret. And it’s shocked you. Look how lucky you are? Two amazing children. Why, all of a sudden are you so sad, so lost in the past?
Because Mama, you became a Mother the second you laid eyes on your very first positive pregnancy test. Something changed in you in that moment and you get that now. You’re ready. Ready to acknowledge what happened, properly grieve your lost babies and carry them with you in your heart. You’re learning that there is no time limit on grief. It can hit you at any time, unexpectedly; and that’s ok.
Taking the time to think of your lost babies does not detract from the love you give to your children. This will help you find peace, make you stronger and eventually, bring back the sun.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve but you are finally learning what’s right for you, and you should be proud of yourself. The time has come to be there, for you. You’re stronger than you think.