You can’t have anymore children
You’ve just been told that you can’t have any more children. IVF is an option but one which comes with a lot of risks to your health - mentally and physically. Basically, it’s a “no go”. Sat looking at the consultant, eyes filling up with tears you feel like this is the end of the world. And not only for you - for Matt and Lyla too.
Your first (and only) pregnancy was plagued with ill health, stress and worry. A premature baby, excruciatingly lengthy stay in hospital before and after labour and a host of other issues - the long and short of it was that you weren’t able to enjoy the pregnancy like you’d hoped. You just wanted it to be over. But now that looks like it’s never going to happen again and you feel cheated. You have no bump photos, there was no baby shower, you didn’t even get to properly prepare the nursery before she burst into your life almost 2 months early. When you see pregnant women now you ache that you won’t get to experience it again and get a second shot at savouring all the lovely things that come with it. When couples post the obligatory “going home as a family” picture, you wish that you’d got to do it that way instead of Matt and your parents taking the baby home and leaving you behind, crying into your cold sponge and custard on the hospital ward.
All the clothes and baby things that you’d saved over the last 5 years - what was the point. You won’t get to reuse them on your next baby. Selling and giving them away will be heartbreaking in its own bittersweet way.
And then there’s Lyla. Your beautiful, kind and happy go lucky daughter - your miracle. All she wants is a baby brother or sister. She’d make the BEST big sis ever. It’s painful to see her face crumple when you try your best explain why that can’t happen.
You’ll research adoption, surrogacy and fostering and lose sleep over what to do next. But all you really need to do next is stop, take a moment and look around. You have a wonderful family, a happy marriage, a job you enjoy and a daughter who idolises you. You will move on from this and the pain and emptiness you feel will slowly disappear and you’ll come to see how this family unit - although it wasn’t how you’d envisaged it - is perfect and you are part of the three musketeers. You might not have been able to be with Lyla in the very early days, or got to stage cute photos of her clutching the milestone cards but she waited until you were discharged from hospital almost 5 months later to reach any of those big events! She knew you were on your way to her and kept her smiles, rolls and teeth until you were able to see them for yourself - how special is that! You are a fantastic mum and Lyla is so loved and is growing up to be as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. She brightens the darkest days and makes everything seem worthwhile. She has made you the mum you always dreamt of being. Always remember - a triangle is the strongest shape.