Based in Sydney, Australia, Foundry is a blog by Rebecca Thao. Her posts explore modern architecture through photos and quotes by influential architects, engineers, and artists.

You couldn't picture our future life with a baby

You couldn't picture our future life with a baby

hi mama,

When you saw that second line appear on the pregnancy test you knew what it meant but you weren't prepared for how it would feel.

Everyone - and I mean everyone - tells you what to expect, their excitement, their sickness, their aching back.

But every woman goes through her pregnancy alone. Only you know how you'll feel. Your body and baby are on this journey and no one else.

That emotional bond kicked in for you days before you even knew you were pregnant.

You had a private suspicion that stopped you having a second glass of Baileys as we decorated the Christmas tree.

And once your suspicions were confirmed that protective instinct really kicked in.

Every sneeze, every strain to go to the toilet, it all petrified you.

You saw every hazard in the street.

You felt like you were made of glass.

You were carrying around this precious new life, a secret that you only dared to share with your husband, Darren.

Straight away he was able to imagine future cuddles in bed and family holidays and whether we'd be strict or silly parents.

But before our 20 week scan you felt like you were just putting one foot in front of the other and following the check list of baby growing rules - taking your vitamins, getting lots of sleep, cutting out booze and soft cheese and rollercoasters.

You couldn't picture our future life with a baby when there was so much at stake.

All the leaflets, TV ads and magazines showed this one narrative of a glowing, blissfully happy mum-to-be with glossy hair and the biggest smile.

And as time went by and your belly got bigger your confidence grew too. You did feel that way some of the time.

But you had nerves too.

After ten years of it being just the two of us you struggled to imagine loving anyone else as much as you love Darren.

You worried you'd be jealous of the baby.

You worried you wouldn't make time for each other, that we'd stagnate and row and be miserable.

But six weeks into our parenting journey and PHEW, you needn't have worried.

Far from being jealous you are thrilled and excited by Darren's love for our little boy.

Seeing them together makes you love him even more.

Your grateful your body made this gift for him, for us.

It takes a bit more planning but we are finding time to look after ourselves individually and as a couple.

We've taken our baby, Greg, along on dates and even an anniversary mini break too.

It's effort but it's not work. Making a family has opened our hearts to even more love.

We both feel vulnerable with it.

We are quicker to cry, we are so grateful for small acts of kindness, we are softer and more gentle with one another's feelings.

People told you about the love and you couldn't imagine it.

And now you feel it in every fibre of your being.

 

 You can follow Michelle on Instagram -  @see_shell88

You can follow Michelle on Instagram - @see_shell88

Mothering with a broken heart

Mothering with a broken heart

Postpartum OCD

Postpartum OCD