You did EVERYTHING RIGHT
I will remind you every minute of every day that your little one being poorly was not your fault and you were not to blame. Do not let the guilt consume you, let your days be full of laughter, memories and happy tears. I know that you always thought, 'what if' when you were pregnant because you're a 'negative nelly', but there was no second guessing that BB was going to be born needing a little more care.
Remember that, from the day you found out you were pregnant you did EVERYTHING RIGHT! No drinking, no eating certain foods, no hot water bottles or really hot baths etc. You went to every appointment, took vitamins, did NCT, pregnancy yoga, complained that your bump was massive and rang the hospital when you were worried. You looked after BB from the day you knew he was growing. Remember that, you did EVERYTHING RIGHT when he was born! Refused to go home because he wasn't feeding, took him back to hospital for jaundice checks, fed him every 3 hours and more and recorded everything he drank, persisted in trying to breastfeed even though he point blank refused, hand expressed gold dust milk for him, expressed after feeding him, changed his bottles, changed his milk, took him for extra weight checks, took him back to the midwife, phoned the local postnatal midwifery unit and demanded a nursery nurse visited him, took him to the HV and to the GP countless times! You did EVERYTHING, you were fighting his corner and you didn't even realise that you were. You are his hero, you took him to the GP and you refused to go home because you knew something wasn't right. Of course you knew, you are his mummy! You were in tune with him, you grew him and even though you didn't realise it, you knew what you had to do and you were doing it.
You sat by his side while they took blood, took urine samples, pumped him with IV antibiotics, catheterised him, transferred him to another hospital in an ambulance, listened to everything every consultant said, asked countless questions, put him to sleep, cuddled him once he'd woken up and made sure he recovered. You did EVERYTHING RIGHT during that time for him. You did this because you are his mummy.
You sat there when they told you he's got a long journey ahead but he's a fighter, there's still unknowns but he's doing so well. You did all of those things before he was 6 weeks old because you were picked to be his mummy. Even though you didn't feel it at the time and sometimes you don't always now, it's EVERYTHING that happened during this time that has made you the mummy to him you are today.
Although you sometimes doubt yourself, you know now that it wasn't your fault. You know that it was a series of unfortunate events that led it to not be picked up prior to his birth or in the very early days. You know this because you did EVERYTHING RIGHT.
Love yourself more for knowing that because you did EVERYTHING RIGHT, you made EVERYTHING ALRIGHT. He would not be here if it was not for you! Always remember that.
Love me xxx