You will be a warrior
Let’s start with the positives. You will survive this. You will come out of this so much stronger and you really will be happy again. Your daughter will live with you and he’ll never be able to take that relationship away from you. You will raise her to have her own voice, her own opinions and she will be able to see who her dad is for herself in time.
I know it feels like your world is ending, that the rug has been pulled out from under your feet. You never thought your marriage would end, that your husband would have an affair and become abusive. He’s clever but so are you. You thought you knew him inside out. You don’t know him. You probably never have. He’s not changed to become this way – don’t give him that much credit. He’s always been this person.
Don’t feel stupid. Don’t feel humiliated. Don’t feel ashamed. You were young when you got with him, you were trusting and you loved easily. What you have isn’t real love. It’s control and if it did go on you would have been left isolated and so alone. He used your past to get under your skin but you won’t allow anyone to do that in the future.
It’s just a house. Get out. Don’t fight him for it. It’s rented for god’s sake. It’s bricks and mortar. The longer you fight for it the longer you will have to be in the same house as him and he will stop at nothing. Take your daughter and go and be happy. Your next place will become a home and you will be so proud of what you manage to build with so little. And stop being too proud to allow people to help. You’ll need your friends and family around you.
Over the next few months you’ll find out who is there for you. Who has your back. And this will surprise the hell out of you. People you thought you could rely upon? You can’t. They will sit on the fence and this won’t help you heal. But you have some incredible friends. You have some family members that will help you more than you thought possible. They will be your rocks.
All of your documenting, all the late night internet searches, all of the phone calls to solicitors and all of the research is worth it. Don’t stop. You know him and you do know what the future holds despite people telling you it will never get that far. Your gut instinct? Trust that. Know your truth. He is a narcissist. He is a bully. He will take you to court when you stand up for yourself and finally fight for yourself. It will be beyond hard and will near break you… but as always you will survive. You will come out on top.
The tears? They will stop. The hurt? It will fade. You’re not broken. You’re healing and every day you’ll feel better and stronger. Don’t worry about the anxiety you feel. After the court mess is all dealt with a fantastic nurse is going to give you a hug, call him a bastard and make sure you know it’s OK to take the medication which is going to deal with those feelings that only he brings out in you. Things don’t have to be a secret anymore. And more surprising than anything? You will feel love and be loved again. You can trust men to not all be the same.
You will rock this more than you know mama. You will continue to work full time. You will have a home you can be proud of. You will single parent like a boss and you will raise your daughter to be incredible. You’ll support people through the family court system and help them win. You will help women who without you wouldn’t have a voice because they can’t get a loan like you did. You’ll be able to support them on the day, to write their statements and to find their truth. You will be there for people in the way you wished you had someone to be there for you. You will empower women and you will be a warrior.
Just hold on a little longer.